


V3 nonsense

by jazznya



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: F/M, Plot generator/adlibs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-02-28 10:05:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18754240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jazznya/pseuds/jazznya
Summary: i regret nothing





	1. A dating profile for Kokichi

**Smol boi Ultimate Supreme Leader seeks kind person with a beautiful whole body for lying, playing pranks on people and maybe more**

I have given pleasure to the world because I have such beautiful eyes! (Or so the Cat might say.)

Hello lads and ladies! I'm learning about important dates in history. Wanna be one of them?

I'm a mischevious kind of chap, who likes nothing more than lying with the right person.

The first thing people usually notice about me is my liar personality, closly followed by my smashing eyes. I'm the man for you, if you like great eyes and hair, particularly combined with ample baby oil.

I work as a Ultimate Supreme Leader, helping Myself and the members of D.I.C.E and my lover. This allows me to exercise my skills: leadership and lying.

My life goals include:

  * Watch the filming of the next season of Red Dwarf
  * Fall in love with you
  * Become the best Ultimate Supreme Leader I can be
  * Help all the Myself and the members of D.I.C.E and my lover in the world



If you're the right person for me, you'll be kind and adorable. You won't be afraid to lie and will have a healthy respect for lying.

My ideal date would involve playing pranks on people in where ever D.I.C.E or my lover is with a cute person by my side. While we're there, I admire your beautiful whole body whilst feeling I'm the luckiest man on the planet.

Let me tell you about a funny thing that happened to me last week. I was just helping an elderly across the road when I was hit by a car. I needed three stitches. BOOM!

'Now kindly cluck off before I extract your giblets and shove a large, seasoned onion between the lips you never kiss with.'

Light me fire, babe

Kokichi, Ultimate Supreme Leader

 


	2. The Tenant of Oma Hide-out for D.I.C.E

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Lost Bronte Novel

Shuichi Saihara is a mischevious and smol boi orphan raised by a liar and clumsy Ultimate Supreme Leader of GAY. Eventually he gets a job working as a detective for the has ahoge Lord Oma of Oma Hide-out for D.I.C.E. The unlikely couple rapidly succumb to a OUMASAI IS BEST SHIP EVER passion.

On the day of their wedding, a Ultimate unsure of feelings but still definately GAY escapes from the attic of Oma Hide-out for D.I.C.E and starts a fire. Believing that Lord Oma is dead, Shuichi flees from the church and wanders the sunny moors for days until he is rescued by a adorable supreme leader.

However, although Lord Oma is blinded by the fire, he still breathes. Without Shuichi he becomes sends mixed messeges about wether or not they like a certain someone and lies to himself. He turns to alcohol for comfort. The ghost of the Ultimate unsure of feelings but still definately GAY from the attic haunts him.

Meanwhile, thinking Lord Oma is dead, Shuichi accepts a marriage proposal from his saviour, the supreme leader. However, one night he believes he can hear Lord Oma calling, "Shuichi, where are you? Shuichi come home!" and he returns to Oma Hide-out for D.I.C.E.

On Shuichi's return, he finds Lord Oma drunk and without sight. Mistaking him for the ghost of the Ultimate unsure of feelings but still definately GAY, he attacks him with a hydraulic press and Shuichi Saihara dies.

As he attends to the body, Lord Oma realises what he has done. Driven mad with guilt, he hatches a plan to destroy the next generation, but there is no next generation and he dies of consumption two weeks later.

 


	3. Deranged Monokuma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a screenplay!  
> yay!  
> (what am i doing with my life)

**INT. HOPE'S PEAK - AFTERNOON**

Liar student ULTIMATE GAY KOKICHI OMA is arguing with kind student ULTIMATE DETECTIVE SHUICHI SAIHARA. KOKICHI tries to hug SHUICHI but he shakes him off.

KOKICHI: Please Shuichi, don't leave me.

SHUICHI: I'm sorry Kokichi, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.

KOKICHI: I am such a person!

SHUICHI frowns.

SHUICHI: I'm sorry, Kokichi. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.

SHUICHI leaves.

KOKICHI sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, kind student ULTIMATE ROBOT KEEBO IDABASHI barges in looking flustered.

KOKICHI: Goodness, Keebo! Is everything okay?

KEEBO: I'm afraid not.

KOKICHI: What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...

KEEBO: It's ... a Monokuma ... I saw an evil Monokuma ship a bunch of students at ultimate academy and hope's peak!

KOKICHI: _Defenseless_ students at ultimate academy and hope's peak?

KEEBO: Yes, defenseless students at ultimate academy and hope's peak!

KOKICHI: Bloomin' heck, Keebo! We've got to do something.

KEEBO: I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.

KOKICHI: You can start by telling me where this happened.

KEEBO: I was...

KEEBO fans himself and begins to wheeze.

KOKICHI: Focus Keebo, focus! Where did it happen?

KEEBO: a sweet shop! That's right - a sweet shop!

KOKICHI springs up and begins to run.

 

**EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS**

KOKICHI rushes along the street, followed by KEEBO. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.

 

**INT. A SWEET SHOP - SHORTLY AFTER**

OUMASAI FANGIRL OUMASAI SHIPPER a deranged Monokuma terrorises two students at ultimate academy and hope's peak.

KOKICHI, closely followed by KEEBO, rushes towards OUMASAI FANGIRL, but suddenly stops in his tracks.

KEEBO: What is is? What's the matter?

KOKICHI: That's not just any old Monokuma, that's oumasai fangirl oumasai shipper!

KEEBO: Who's oumasai fangirl oumasai shipper?

KOKICHI: Who's oumasai fangirl oumasai shipper? _Who's oumasai fangirl oumasai shipper?_ Only the most deranged Monokuma in the universe!

KEEBO: Blinkin' knickers, Kokichi! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most deranged Monokuma in the universe!

KOKICHI: You can say that again.

KEEBO: Blinkin' knickers, Kokichi! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most deranged Monokuma in the universe!

KOKICHI: I'm going to need ahoges, lots of ahoges.

oumasai fangirl turns and sees Kokichi and Keebo. She grins an evil grin.

OUMASAI FANGIRL: Kokichi Oma, we meet again.

KEEBO: You've met?

KOKICHI: Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

 

**EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME**

A young KOKICHI is sitting in a park listening to some vocaloid music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.

He looks up and sees OUMASAI FANGIRL. He takes off his headphones.

OUMASAI FANGIRL: Would you like some panta?

KOKICHI's eyes light up, but then he studies OUMASAI FANGIRL more closely, and looks uneasy.

KOKICHI: I don't know, you look kind of deranged.

OUMASAI FANGIRL: Me? No. I'm not deranged. I'm the least deranged Monokuma in the world.

KOKICHI: Wait, you're a Monokuma?

KOKICHI: runs away, screaming.

 

**INT. A SWEET SHOP - PRESENT DAY**

OUMASAI FANGIRL: You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.

KEEBO: (To KOKICHI) You ran away?

KOKICHI: (To KEEBO) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?

KOKICHI turns to OUMASAI FANGIRL.

KOKICHI: I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!

KOKICHI runs away.

He turns back and shouts.

KOKICHI: I mean, I _am_ running away, but I'll be back - _with ahoges_.

OUMASAI FANGIRL: I'm not scared of you.

KOKICHI: You should be.

 

**INT. ULTIMATE ACADEMY - LATER THAT DAY**

KOKICHI and KEEBO walk around searching for something.

KOKICHI: I feel sure I left my ahoges somewhere around here.

KEEBO: Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly ahoges.

KOKICHI: You know nothing Keebo Idabashi.

KEEBO: We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.

Suddenly, OUMASAI FANGIRL appears, holding a pair of ahoges.

OUMASAI FANGIRL: Looking for something?

KEEBO: Crikey, Kokichi, she's got your ahoges.

KOKICHI: Tell me something I don't already know!

KEEBO: The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.

KOKICHI: I know that already!

KEEBO: i also ship oumasi.

OUMASAI FANGIRL: (appalled) Dude!

While OUMASAI FANGIRL is looking at KEEBO with disgust, KOKICHI lunges forward and grabs his deadly ahoges. He wields them, triumphantly.

KOKICHI: Prepare to die, you deranged carrot!

OUMASAI FANGIRL: No please! All I did was ship a bunch of students at ultimate academy and hope's peak!

SHUICHI enters, unseen by any of the others.

KOKICHI: I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those students at ultimate academy and hope's peak were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Kokichi Oma defender of innocent students at ultimate academy and hope's peak.

OUMASAI FANGIRL: Don't hurt me! Please!

KOKICHI: Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these ahoges on you right away!

OUMASAI FANGIRL: Because Kokichi, I am your mother.

KOKICHI looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.

KOKICHI: No you're not!

OUMASAI FANGIRL: Ah well, it had to be worth a try.

OUMASAI FANGIRL: tries to grab the ahoges but KOKICHI dodges out of the way.

KOKICHI: Who's the mummy now? Huh? _Huh?_

Unexpectedly, OUMASAI FANGIRL slumps to the ground.

KEEBO: Did she just faint?

KOKICHI: I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly ahoges.

KOKICHI crouches over OUMASAI FANGIRL's body.

KEEBO: Be careful, Kokichi. It could be a trick.

KOKICHI: No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... oumasai fangirl oumasai shipper is dead!

KOKICHI: What?

KOKICHI: Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.

KEEBO: claps his hands.

KEEBO: So your ahoges did save the day, after all.

SHUICHI: steps forward.

SHUICHI: Is it true? Did you kill the deranged Monokuma?

KOKICHI: Shuichi how long have you been...?

SHUICHI: puts his arm around KOKICHI.

SHUICHI: Long enough.

KOKICHI: Then you saw it for yourself. I killed oumasai fangirl oumasai shipper.

SHUICHI: Then the students at ultimate academy and hope's peak are safe?

KOKICHI: It does seem that way!

A crowd of vulnerable students at ultimate academy and hope's peak enter, looking relived.

SHUICHI: You are their hero.

The students at ultimate academy and hope's peak bow to KOKICHI.

KOKICHI: There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that oumasai fangirl oumasai shipper will never ship students at ultimate academy and hope's peak ever again, is enough for me.

SHUICHI: You are humble as well as brave!

One of the students at ultimate academy and hope's peak passes KOKICHI an emo Shuichi's emo hat

SHUICH:I I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.

KOKICHI: I couldn't possibly.

Pause.

KOKICHI: Well, if you insist.

KOKICHI takes the Shuichi's emo hat.

KOKICHI: Thank you.

The students at ultimate academy and hope's peak bow their heads once more, and leave.

KOKICHI turns to SHUICHI.

KOKICHI: Does this mean you want me back?

SHUICHI: Oh, Kokichi, of course I want you back!

KOKICHI smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

KOKICHI: Well you can't have me.

SHUICHI: _WHAT?_

KOKICHI: You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a Monokuma to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.

SHUICHI: But...

KOKICHI: Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Keebo.

KEEBO: grins.

SHUICHI: But...

KEEBO: You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!

SHUICHI: Kokichi?

KOKICHI: I'm sorry Shuichi, but I think you _should_ skidaddle.

SHUICHI leaves.

KEEBO turns to KOKICHI.

KEEBO: Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?

KOKICHI: Of course you are!

The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly KEEBO stops.

KEEBO: When I said i also ship oumasi, you know I was just trying to distract the Monokuma don't you?

THE END

 


	4. Ummmmm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A love letter

Dear Tenko,

You are extremly Degenerate and I Taste you! I want kiss your Leg 83 times. You make my Girl burn with desire. When I first saw you, I Entirely stared at you and fell in love. Will you Fuck out with me? Don`t let your parents discourage you, Us are just jealous.

Yours forever, Himiko


	5. Kokichis plan to take over the world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What have I done?!?!!?!!? This is beautiful 🤣

I am Kokichis Oma,Ultimate Supreme Leader. I am destined to Fucking the Dildo. Unfortunately, the Dildo is full of a bunch of Beautiful Heads that do not agree. I am sad to say that the Hydraulic Press Buster did not trigger the huge Killing Game as I planned for it to do. Instead, all it did was Lie some Cloak. So this is my new Emo plan to take over the Dildo:

Using my unlimited source of Hats I inherited from my Cats I will build the largest Hope in the Dildo. I will then send it up into space aboard a Helicopter. It will be fully Shapely and operable from a Obnoxious control. With it I will threaten to Kill all the Pig's Feet owned by D.I.C.E unless the Dildo bows before me. If they do not Swear me, I will turn my Hope upon the Despair islands and Kill the entire thing. Then they will Emerge in their Ultimate Students and I will be the most powerful Grape Panta in the Dildo!


End file.
